29 May 2009

He finally told me about the BBQ (his friend’s house) that day (1st May). But he he told me had make me angry… He said that day he had drunk, and like another girl. Although he said he did’t take her contact number.

After he told me that, I angry at him. He just keep saying sorry to me. But sorry … I was thinking is that mean he not loyal to me? Is he really love me? I started to think about that. I don’t know should I still trust him. I really don’t know. I really angry, sad and dissapointed at him.

30 May 2009

He told me he get hurt when he work. It quite serious. His arm and head is hurt, even bleeding. He even fainted there (working place). Then he is send to hospital.

I cried. I don’t know what to do that time. He had get hurt but I can’t do anything, but just angry at him. After he told me he hurt, although I did’t angry at him already, but I feel like can’t forgive him. I don’t know how to trust him, I don’t know is he really love me. I really don’t know.

Anyone can tell me what to do? What can I do?

Yesterday, my friends, he and I went to Sunway Pyramid for movie. I also asked my msn friend, who I just chat with him in msn but I did’t meet him before, came along to watch movie.

I just want to have a look at my msn friend, but he unhappy of that. He worry that my msn friend has the motive to chase me. He scare he will lose me. But, for me, I just want to make a new friend. What’s wrong I had done? He said that ” The guy (msn friend) is very suspected. He is like not a good friend and ask me don’t friend with him” But I had chat with him for few months and I know how to differentiate bad and good people. I am 18+ edy, I don’t need anyone to tell me how to differentiate good and bad.

But he is just unhappy. After I had meet my friend, he start to keep quiet and walk away from me. Then I asked him is it you unhappy of that guy, but he say no. After that, he say his heart id hurt by me. But, what had I done? I just asked my friend (msn) to come watch movie together, not only with him but also my other two friends. If I watch with my msn friend only, then he worry I understand, but I also asked my other two college friends come. So, what to worry?

I remember when I know him (my bf), I also asked him to go Asian Cafe (place we 1st meet). I also never meet him before. I also just chat with him at msn. I also asked my college friends to be with hme when he come to meet me. So the situation that time is just same as yesterday. That time I also have the same thinking like now, want to make friend. Just like yesterday, I also just making new friend. So what have I done wrong? But he unhappy of that and have a bit angry at me.

I think making new friends is not a wrong. I just want to be more socialize. Having boyfriend doesn’t mean that I can’t make new friends. I hope he understand this.

That day he as usual message with me. But until half way he suddenly say ‘got to go’ coz hv somthing to do. Har… have somthing to do?then i though he has work to busy at.

But, the next day, I said I no mood. Then he ask is it because of he last night suddenly say has something to do then don’t message me. Then I say yes loh. He didt say sorry to me. But I say “You everytime also say sorry”.

He say, ” then wat punishment you want?” Then i just sat let him think himself lor…

Then he say, ” Punish him can out with him for 3 months lor…” This is what he said. Ok, fine. Then I just say next week we don’t out lor… he want this as punishment.

He ask me really don’t want out with him next week ah?I say this is what you said mah… I just follow. Then he angry at me already. He said I had change, not like the Jean before that he know.

But what can I say is, this is me. I am barbaric, when my mood is bad. When I feel angry. So? Girls are like that. Why can’t I do that? At home, I am the most barbaric one, my family know that, just my friends don’t know that.

In front of my friends I am nice and friendly. But in front my family, I quite rude and barbaric, but I still respect them, not like my younger brother always shout at my mum. But have one thing that I never change is my happy and easy going behaviour. I laugh everyday, no matter how stress am I or how bad mood am I. Even I angry at someone also, I won’t angry long time. Just few hours then I will be fine.

But, this time he really make me angry. I just follow what he said(punish he can’t out with me for 3 months), then he angry at me. Say I had change. Actually what I want him to do is just do something to make me happy, not just say sorry only. Sorry of course have to say, but do something with that word then has more sincerity compare to just say sorry. Why not he think how to make me happy when I was in bad mood? “Why you say I had change?” I don’t understand.

“If you want to angry at me, then just go ahead. I won’t say sorry to you because I don’t think I had did’t do anything wrong.” =s

Assignments, assignments, and assignments…

Stress and stress and stress… non-stop of assignments that I have to finish…

I long time did’t online because of assignments, and also my computer can’t online already… I so pity now…

Next month going to exam… Look like I going to fail one of the subject… of course I don;t want to fail, but my internal marks now look like I going to fail… so sad…

Because this month is quite busy, so can’t go out dating with my boyfriend… haiz… so miss him… even he also in a busy month… sounds like a pity couple…

I also feel very sleepy this few days… is like how much I sleep also not enough…  so tiring month… HELP…. =s